His
mother called a couple of days after he got his Green Card. He could almost
feel her tears flow down the phone.
“You’ll
surely come home for Christmas, Sean. How many years has it been now – seven,
eight?”
He’d
been dreading the question. Besides, why go back now? He’d settled into his own
Yuletide customs. Work late Christmas Eve, then a big night out on Bainbridge
with the lads; hungover as hell on Christmas day he’d barely make dinner with
the cousins on Long Island. Before you knew it was over, back to work again
Stephen’s Day.
Things
were finally going well with the flooring business, and with the Green Card he
could put the deposit down on the house up in Pearl River. Fix it up by the
summer, have his mother over for a couple of weeks, take her up the Catskills,
the usual.
It
wasn’t that he didn’t miss her but it was a small town back home and you never
knew who you’d run into.
His
mother was waiting at Shannon. He hadn’t been able to say no and in the warmth
of her hug all his apprehension drained away.
It
was all good, the sight of familiar places, the deep green of the grass that
he’d forgotten. His sister had the big breakfast ready the minute he walked in
the door, the perfect taste of the tea, the smell of the fry. The visits to
aunts and uncles, the first night down the pub - all of it coalescing in a
swirl of Christmas lights, smiles, hugs and jet lag.
He
stayed off the main streets. You never knew who you’d run into and as the days
counted down to the return flight he began to relax.
He
shouldn’t have gone to the disco. The DJ played all the old familiar songs and
every step of the way home provoked a memory.
He
only went to mass on Sunday to please his mother. He’d barely been inside a
church in The Bronx except for weddings and christenings.
He
went through the motions, more interested in the crowd than the proceedings - guitars
and folk songs now rather than incense and the old hymns. Fr. Joyce still ran
the show, his face creased with age, far less sure of himself than when he was
curate and they used to argue about faith.
He
was thinking about the big job in Pelham that he’d bid on when the mass ended.
He was shuffling down the aisle in the thick of the crowd when he saw her.
Her hair was shorter but there was
no mistaking the color, and anyway James was ushering her along. He had filled
out and there were flecks of grey in his hair.
Sean
tried to turn around but the crowd pushed him forward. He lowered his head and
was almost past them unnoticed when Fr. Joyce called out, “I thought that was
you, Sean!”
The
crowd parted and there she was holding firmly onto two fidgeting children.
He’d
always imagined that the girl would look like her. But no, she was bland and
uninteresting like James. The boy though had his mother’s sensitive green eyes
and the perfect shape of her face.
James
dropped his wife’s elbow and over-eagerly thrust out his hand. “I’d heard you
were home, Sean, you never called.”
Sean
muttered some banality.
“I’m
sure he’s too busy for us now.” His wife stated calmly.
She
hadn’t changed much, just a little older but it suited her. She held his eyes
unflinchingly and the years drifted away. She was as lovely as ever.
Then
the boy dropped his coloring book. As she rose from picking it up, their eyes
met and for an instant she was her old self again. She took his hand as if to
shake it but instead squeezed it gently.
Then
she was gone in a flurry of embarrassed goodbyes, off home to cook the Sunday
dinner.
“I
suppose you’ll be having the American wake tonight, Sean?” Fr. Joyce
diplomatically broke the silence as Sean counted the devastating hours until
the flight from Shannon.